


Don't Let Me Lose You

by Sing



Series: HeartWork Trilogy [2]
Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drama, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Grief mourning, Healing, Humour, Love, Romance, Sweetness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7644919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sing/pseuds/Sing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When You love someone,</p><p>You hand them the gun and you tell them pull the trigger. </p><p>You do the time. You go the distance. </p><p>And hope you don't break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How We Part Ways

**Author's Note:**

> Short starting chapter folks! 
> 
> think of it kinda like a prologue. Then we're off and running. 
> 
> I am not divulging which story is which, because, I'd like you to just, choose, and you can gladly abandon one story for the other, but I don't wanna, over influence you. 
> 
> As always, comments are love <3

_"And I would have **preferred** you'd never come back, but we don't always get what we want"_

_"There'd have to be something there to break"_

* * *

 

She can't breathe.

She cannot, breathe.

"No, no, no" She murmurs, over and over and over.

A gun shot. The Hidden one keels over, clear shot to the heart, and another right after, at Pandora before she could revel in her husbands defeat, crumpled on the floor beside him.

They died together.

 Went together, it seems fitting they would. That is their fate. They weren't meant to leave the other behind. She's jealous of them. 

It feels like some sort of slap in the face because that should have been them.

Not just her, left behind.

Jenny holds her. "Abbie, come on," she pleads. Her face is wet with tears because she is in absolute shock. There's a processing failure happening, short circuiting in all of their brains. She's not about to let Abbie have a melt down here though. This is not the place to mourn.

There was stillness and silence for a moment, but then the box begins to quake. 

"We can't stay here."

"He can't be gone, Jenny. I don't accept it, he can't be."

"You always knew he would if he got the chance, stop acting so surprised."

Abbie's head snaps up and she glares at her sister."How can you say that?"

"Because he loved you Abbie. He did a crap job showing it but he loved you."

* * *

 

"Abbie are you ready to go?"

 "In a minute." She frowns at her dress. Shakes her head, peels it off and throws it on the bed, begins rummaging through her closet. Nothing. Nothing, there is nothing….how.

 She stares, dumbfounded, at one of his shirts. When, she gives a startled laugh. When did his shirt get in her laundry? For how long has she been washing and refolding it and kept overlooking that it was there?

 She pulls it out of the back of her closet, whether she shoved it back there willfully or not who knows, it had to be after a battle at some point, things were always such a confusion then when you're post monster. All that matters is get out of the blood guts gore and into something clean.

Her eyes water as she takes it off the hanger.

It smells like nothing. There are no traces to cling to here and she screams her frustration into it, bunching a sleeve in her mouth as she does so before angrily pulling it on over her head. She doesn't care if she looks ridiculous, if it's too large, if she looks like a child. 

She'll mourn him how she sees fit. She doesn't dare look in the mirror. Pulls on her jeans instead and runs down the steps, boots in hand and Jenny looks at her strangely.

Jenny's eyes are red. "How you holding up?" 

"I'm not." 

Jenny nods, as if this is to be expected, that, of course, she would be a wreck. Well, assumption correct. 

It saddens her this gathering is so small, but she also knows she couldn't stand up to a crowd today either.

Part of her thinks, that his traditional side would have wanted this done in a church. Part of her knows, he'd want it here, at the archives.

Everywhere in that room she sees him. Leaping down from behind a desk, book in hand, pointing enthusiastically to that wall. She hears him say "Leftenant".  And she sees herself then too, always beside him, amused at his antics. Side by side. Always together.

"I'm sorry Mills."

"I'm so sorry Abbie." 

"Thank you Frank, Cynthia." She's so grateful the Irving's were able to come under such short notice, Macey waves solemnly from a corner.

"It's not your fault, you know that right?" Frank asks, a hand on her shoulder.

But it is.

* * *

  

_"When we get home Crane, you should go."_

* * *

 

She'd asked him to leave.

And he'd done exactly that.


	2. Now You Know

They hadn't made it out of the room before the blast. Half way down a hall before debris had knocked her out. And then she was back in her old uniform, confused, disoriented, walking towards a cell, where Crane was rising to his feet with his long dishevelled hair, shrugging on his coat.

"Hey I don't even get to interrogate you first?"

He'd smiled kindly at her, finished straightening his collar. "It's time to go, Abbie."

And right then she knew he didn't mean coming back home.

As he strolled out of the cell past her, he gripped herhand, tugging her with him. He doesn't ask, he doesn't apologize, he doesn't try anymore to explain. He just does. He has nothing to lose now. He's done all he could.

There's an unexpected peace to it, something he never imagined, in that half second between throwing her out of the way and feeling the tendrils of the box curl around him in return.

He feels lucky that he remembered to look up before he was hauled in. To catch that last glimpse of her beautiful face even though it wounded him to see her so hurt.

"This is the last time I hurt you, Leftenant," he'd said mournfully. "I promise this is the last time."

He saw her leap towards him before the shots were fired and her own knees buckled under shock. Calling one final parting to those left behind.

Now, unexpected as it is to have one more moment, he's not going to squander it the way he did in life with words and looks and mutterings. He doesn't have the luxury of time.

He doesn't even have life.

As they walk, her rattling on about ways to fix this they pass seamlessly into the archives. Her garments change, his hair is short.

"Crane come on," she pleads. "Cut the crap. Why do you have to be literal about everything huh? such a flair for the dramatic?" she laughs weakly but stops when he pins her with his blue gaze.

"Not because you told me to, Leftenant. This isn't because of that."

"Then what are we doing here" she'd blinked at him. "Come on, let's go home."

 _"You_ , go home Abbie. I go on."

"On where," she demanded "Where do you have to go,"

" _On_ " he emphasizes. He shakes his head and grips her arms, pulling her towards him. "Abbie. I knew it would be you. I had to do it."

"Together," she'd gripped his hand. She doesn't understand what she's doing because doesn't this make things less complicated? Wasn't she managing without him? Wasn't she with Danny? Then what is this clawing desperation to have himback? Even with all of the pain he'd caused? his shattered words?

Because you never wanted him, dead.

"We're always together Abbie. We always will be." He pulls her into an embrace, cradling her head, her hands bunch in his coat.

" **Don't leave me**."

They are on the porch of her new home. Standing there in her open doorway. Still embracing, still clutching the other."Don't leave me again Crane I swear I'll never forgive you for it."

"That's my cross to bear." he whispers, kissing her crown and she sobs harder for it.

"Please."

"Abbie, Agent, Abigail Mills." he draws away, and stares into her eyes, contemplates if it would be cruel to do what he has in mind. How she will be left behind with yet another injury if he does.

But he has always been selfish. In his final moments why change habit now.

" _This_ is the last time," he promises anew. "This is the last time I hurt you, and Abbie, my love. This is the last time I leave."

He kissed her.

Tilted her head back, twined his hand in her hair, put a hand on her waist because even in death he's awful, even in death he's unkind. But in death he is just a hair more brave than he was as a living coward.

She let him.

She needed it. Needed to feelit. Needed to hold on to whatever he will give as a memento, a memory to keep. She doesn't think later what an ill gift it will be.

Having something to hold on tois all that matters.

She wrapped her arm around him, opening her mouth and he didn't relent, and there are tears coursing down her face. Take me with you, she thought quietly, she tried to put it into the kiss. Take me.

But he pulled away.

He heard her. Her plea.

That isn't what he did this for.

He did it, because while he knows there's no worth in a world for him without her, that the wider world would surely suffer even more greatly without her in it. He rested his forehead against hers, breath turning swiftly cold on her face. " ** _I love you._** "

And then he was gone.

* * *

 

"Abs?" Abs?" Danny had her cradled in his lap, and Jenny was beside them Joe, shaking with tears. Somewhere in the back of her head was bleeding. "Come on, up" and Danny can't be bothered with Abbie's bravado today he sweeps her up in his arms and they leave, never to return. Abbie feels like she's made of water bobbing in his arms, her head on his chest.

Why else do the tears keep coming, wetting face neck, Danny's shirt?

"Sssh" he soothes. "Ssssh I got you." Her fingers curl into him, holding on, hanging on. Because she thinks she'll slip away if she doesn't.

Even in her grief she curses Ichabod Crane. Because it wasn't enough what he put her through while living, the bastard wasn't happy to go unless he'd taken a hammer to herheart.

Fragmented shards jostled inside her with an empty metallic clang. Hollow inside.

"I've got you babe." Danny continued as sunlight bathes them outside.

And how dare there be sunlight. How dare there be anything that stinks of hope and bright things?

 _No you don't._ She wept internally.

But she knows Danny, he won't let go.

* * *

 

Abbie casts her gaze around the room now, eyes brimming. Danny sits near the front. He's dressed in his suit, pressed and neat all black. The picture of respect. Better pulled together than she is. She must look like something dragged up out of a lagoon. It's the week after. And she had tried, so many times, to find something, anything to reverse events and had no luck. A freely given life can't be so easily enticed to cross back through the veil, which made her all the more angry.

Wasn't she good enough to come back for?

Wasn't she enough to rise from the dead?

"We," she starts, voice cracking and her fragility shows. Danny steps swiftly up beside her. "We," she tries again, clearing her throat. "Are here, to, honour, in loving, memory….."sobs take over and render her mute before all her friends. Danny holds her until she can surface from the grieftide. "Ichabod Crane. My, my best friend. My Partner……I loved him," she blurts and glances at Danny.

He rubs a circle on her back and she just thinks she'll melt into a puddle right there. He doesn't even tense.

Because Abbie loving Crane was no secret to him.

Just a truth she had denied herself.

He knew this signing up for it.

He knows the terms.

He had been grateful enough that Abbie had even made room to love him too, to begin with. 

He might never have her whole and entire heart. 

But Danny doesn't break promises.


	3. No Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short sorry!

 

"Ichabod Crane, was a hero. "

It's Danny's turn, a shock to everyone because no one expected he'd have anything to say. "I, I didn't know him very well I admit but from what I've heard, equal parts frustrating but he tried his best. He did the right thing most of the time. Just like all of us, he made mistakes. But he made up for them." his gaze falls on Abbie heaving miserably in a corner, she's not even looking at him. "He stepped up. He took the hit, he….he did what it takes. I'm gonna remember him like that. The man who gave himself for the cause, without hesitation. He did it for us, for the world," Abbie lifts her head off her knees for just a moment. _For her_ , Danny thinks. "For that, I will always be eternally thankful.To the one and only Ichabod Crane."

A polite round of clapping as he raises his glass. "To Ichabod Crane." he toasts.

"To Ichabod Crane."

* * *

 

 

Abbie leans heavily on him up the driveway after they leave. The Irvings promise to come by and visit before they leave. Abbie told him about the Irving women, he strongly suspects she's probably going to get them to try one last time to revive him before they go.

These facts should bother him, but what can he say, he tries to be a fair man. And it doesn't, no it doesn't seem fair that Crane should be gone all that time, go through whatever he had, come back, and then literally vanish again, with no more answers given for what he did. Not that the man owed him an explanations. But for the bundle of nerves in his arms, trying once, twice, third time missing the lock on the front door---she needed time with him to sort.

Would that sorting have ended with her choosing Crane over him?

Well the moment Abbie had opened up about the role Crane had played in her life he'd always been prepared on some level to find himself going up against him. He was always ready to fight for her, even though he had no desire to quarrel with the man just to quarrel. In a fantasy world, maybe Abbie still chose him and him and Crane would have been friends, and they'd all be on this bizarre journey together.

Well, that's not happening.

Wordlessly he takes the key out of Abbie's hand, sensing her frustration and it's a sign of how broken up she is, that Abbie doesn't protest once.

Inside he takes her coat, helps her get her shoes off, eases her upstairs and sits there with her a long moment, deciding whether or not he dare leave her to bring her something to eat.

"I'm okay." she rasps. She meets his eyes and nods once. "I'm okay Danny."

He lays a hand on her shoulder, studying her, before he dashes downstairs, puts on the kettle for tea and makes her some toast.

That at least he can't botch.

As he's pushing the door open she greets him with a question. "Why are you here."

He stands stock still, mug in one hand plate in the other, gaping at her.

"I asked you why are you here."

Approaching slowly, he sets them down on the night stand and reaches to touch her when she flinches away. "I humiliated you today, why are you here." when she meets his gaze they're tearful and angry. "I said I loved another man. In front of everyone. Wearing your grandmothers, ring. So why Danny. Why are you, bringing me home, getting me food, taking care of me---"

"Because I said I would." he answers calmly. "Because I love you."

"Love me?" she gasps. "Love me after all I've put you through and here I am going to pieces over him and you _love me_?" the incredulity in her voice borders on being unkind, as if she's calling him stupid.

"Yes," Danny insists, handing her the plate of toast.

She pitches it away and it crashes to the floor. "I don't want no damn toast. I don't want any food, no drink I don't want nothing Danny but him. You get it now? it making sense in your thick head?"

And she knows, she knows she's being a monster. She knows she's hurting him. Maybe if she cuts deep enough it'll set him free. He'll go on with his life and find someone who can truly appreciate everything he's done for her without turning into an ungrateful wretch and so blatantly, openly, wanting for someone else.

Abbie always understood that it wasn't fair. She loved him, yes, but she's always known it was a sort of trap, keeping him when she had so many issues to deal with. Now, seeing the complete mess she is without Crane, knowing that this process will only get worse, she's only going to miss him more, she's going to torment herself with all the questions she had, with all the final moments, her last words to him---she can't begin to picture Danny being there with her through all of that. She's put him through enough. He deserves happiness too.

Danny regards her, the broken plate, silently cleans it up and when he returns crawls on the bed next to her and wraps his arms around her, tight, even while she tries to thrash away from him.

"No. Don't you understand Danny, I loved him. Stop it, Danny let me go."

He keeps holding on.

"I told you I'd do anything."

* * *

 

 

When she wakes up there is the smell of confectionary in her room. She winks an eye open and there's a paper bag on her night stand, a styrofoam cup of coffee. When she peeks in it the tears start all over again. Donut holes. Danny remembered her saying how Crane had loved these. When she sips the coffee she's relieved that Danny didn't follow through on ordering her coffee in the style of Crane, he liked too much cream.

With trembling fingers she reaches in for one, stares at it, contemplating how Crane found so much joy and wonder in them before taking a tentative bite, and closes her eyes. She'll never get out of it what Crane did, but she can see his face, hear his moaning in pleasure at each bite. It always use to make her laugh. She's half way through the bag, weeping and eating when the door cracks open again. "Hey," he calls shyly.

"Where'd you sleep?"

He blinks. "The floor. I didn't wanna crowd you. Didn't wanna leave you alone."

Sniffling she offers the bag to him but he declines. "No, all for you." he nods. "Can I get you anything?"

"You could leave," she says faintly. "I'm gonna hurt you Danny, I am. Please don't make me."

"I'm not afraid of you Abbie."

She considers him a moment, before placing another one in her mouth. "You should be."

* * *

 

 

The Irvings come that night, with Jenny and Joe there too.

They did indeed try again, to no avail. Even did a seance, he just wouldn't answer.

Abbie held it together until the Irvings left, hugging them hard, kissing their cheeks, insisting they stay in touch. Bid good night to Jenny and Joe.

Then slid down the wall in tears.

"Get off me," she hissed when he tried to help her to her feet. "Leave me alone, I want to stay here."

He slides down to join her. "We'll stay here then."

"Danny---"

"You better have a pitchfork and torch if you think you're gonna chase me out of here."

She shifts so she's on her side and rests her palm on the side of his face. He remains perfectly still until she pulls her hand away.

They sit there.


	4. Things Found

So many books.

 _"Ah, here, Leftenant, you see….." There he is_ , she thinks wistfully, she sees him smiling at her over a tome. Fingers waving in the air. " _Ah hah! the……"_ his eyes dancing with triumph. She's alone in the archives.

A very tentative existence, trying to keep her head above water. Succumbing to dreams at night. She replays their first kiss, there, when she was falling through tile in the catacombs. How she'd panicked and declared it wrong in her mind because of her engagement to Danny. When she paused to really look into his eyes before she jumped down the well.

She'll never see those eyes again, such an aggravatingly pretty clear blue. Eyes that smiled, lingered, worried. Eyes that turned away from her for so long.

She's cold all the time.

As if she's been left to stand in the shadow Crane cast on her life. A long, vast, eternal shadow, keeping out the sun. She's wearing his shirt from the memorial as she walks around, touching ever spine, lingering in corners, as if trying to feel his presence there.

"Are you here Crane? Please be here," she whispers. "I know how much you liked your books." she sing songs, turning abruptly as if expecting him to be there, creeping up on her. "I brought donut holes," she wheedles.

Danny brings them two, three times a day and she devours the whole bag. It's one of the only things she'll eat.

_"Leftenant"_

It's in her mind, she knows it, but don't tell someone mired in sorrow to extinguish their last flickering of hope. She starts from one end, setting down the bag and striding over to the shelf, somewhere, in here, there'll be an answer. There must be.

* * *

 

He finds her there, every day with another one in her lap. Muttering to herself and looking half crazed. "Abbie." he calls. "Abs, come on, call it a night."

"Danny," she says, eyes never leaving the page. "we missed something, I'm sure of it."

He keeps trying to wrap his head around how he's trying to help her revive Crane but you do crazy things for people you love. He sets his jaw and braces himself for what will come next. It's a pattern of theirs now. He takes a deep breath and approaches.

She scowls at him, clutching the book to her chest and backing away from him. "Danny please." she begs. "Just…one more hour. One more hour."

"Last time you said that you were here until dawn. Hand it over Mills."

She pauses, staring him down. "No."

"Abbie come on."

"I said, _NO_ "

She feints left and then goes right but Danny knows her.

Trained with her.

Knows how she works.

So he can predict her next move and when he grabs her wrist she swings around with the book and he ducks, grabbing her other hand. He's got them crossed in front of her and the book falls badly, cracking the spine. She blows her hair out of her eyes that look on him with anger. "Stop this. Stop thinking you can put me back together Danny you can't. I'm _broken._ " she jerks but his grasp holds firm. "I'm empty, I'm hollow. You know why? Because I saw him one last time and he kissed me and told me he loved me and he did it for me. All that time gone and he comes back, two days, _two days_! and leave it to Crane to turn me inside out. But he can't help what he does to me and I can't help that I let him. It's who we are, Danny. That's the twisted truth of it. He wasn't supposed to go alone, Danny. It was supposed to be me, too."

Danny's nostrils flare and he shakes her. "He didn't do that for you to turn around and do yourself in. Don't make his sacrifice in vain."

She gives a sharp tug and manages to get out of his grasp. "You're just dying to fix me." she says sadly, pitying him. "I know you did it once and it seemed to be working fine, but maybe I'm just beyond repair, Danny. I'm a machine missing parts." she refuses to meet his eye as she storms away.

* * *

 

Tea.

Every tea he's ever heard of.

And books.

And donuts. And pastry. And all the other favourite dishes she'd ever mentioned.

And music.

He reads, drinks, eats, like him.

Finds himself counting one two three, one two three for a minuet in the kitchen as he tries of all things to replicate old, english specialties he found in some cookbook.

Finds himself outside of a costume shop, trying on a coat.

He's not sure if she notices, but she seems to rave less. Looks at him sometimes tenderly.

But it's nothing like the look she used to give him.

It's something else, twinkling and a little shy and secret.

She's not seeing Danny Reynolds, just a makeshift Ichabod Crane.

Once he even tries saying 'Leftenant' just to see how it feels.

* * *

 

She's less volatile but no less determined. Combing through every book again for hours on end and reciting ancient words, which he taught himself so he can search with her now. And they sit at the tables, heads knitted together poring over texts and spells, murmuring dead languages and strange tongues. But he has to leave for work and she stays there.

She's on an extended leave.

It's about two weeks since the memorial when he walks into the house, pitch black except for a few flickering candles, and as he advances slowly into the living room, calling for her, finds her sprawled on the floor.

There's a crude looking blade. There's a book, something she must have brought home with her from the archives. Incantations, spells.As he draws nearer he notices something dark on the wood. A liquid. 

Blood.

"Abs?" He goes white with fear. "No no, Abs, come on, stay with me, stay with me," he lifts her in his arms, checking for the injury and finds a gash on the inside of her forearm. Tears leak from his eyes. How long has she been here like this? He dials 911, he dials Jenny. Hecleans the wound, wraps it up, lays her on the couch.

"Abbie, Abbie" he mutters frantically, glancing around the room.

FBI Agent taken into hospital with wounds indicative of self harm. That's what the news will run. But when investigators get in and see the place like this they'll call it occult. It guts him to leave her side but he blows out the candles, throws them in the trash. Closes the book, stuffs it on a nearby shelf, hoping that's inconspicuous enough. The knife…..He knows what this looks like even as he does it. He's obstructing evidence of an investigation but he's protecting Abbie. Last thing she needs in her state is people poking and prodding in her home, printing vicious things in the paper and relaying it on the news. If she was responding at all she'd protest to calling for the ambulance but Danny isn't taking chances on her like this.

Abbie's got scars and marks from fighting but there must be something about whatever resurrection spell she was attempting that's knocked her out like this.

Knocking on the door and it's Jenny and of course Joe answering the call.

"Abbie" Jenny gasps. "What, what happened?"

"She was trying something with a book," Danny rattles as Joe starts working to bring a stretcher in. He rushes to help.

"Abbie." She chokes. "Abbie don't you do this to me, you hear me? Don't you do it."

"Help me get her on here," Joe instructs, all business, frighteningly calm and cool and Danny is thankful the paramedic can keep it together because he is trembling. 

Strapped in and vitals checked Joe confirms she's breathing and a heart beat.

Danny had been too terrified to even remember to check, and the siren is on and they're tearing off toward emergency.

* * *

_Leftenant._

_Crane._

_Do not venture any further this way,_

_I was trying to bring you back,_

_Abbie. I have heard you calling for me._

_"Then why won't you answer. If you loved me you'd come back. That's the thing isn't it Crane? You've never loved me enough to come back._

* * *

"Have you noticed anything, peculiar about her behaviour Mr. Reynolds? Does she suffer from depression? any history of using narcotics?"

"The man she loves, passed recently. Saved her life. All of ours, actually. Even yours," he adds with a little laugh that sounds unhinged, and then his eyes widen. The nurse regards him skeptically.

"And who are you to the patient?"

"Her fiancee"

A raised brow. "But you just said…."

"I know what I just said."

* * *

 

"Abbie?"

"Why'd he come back only to hurt me all over again Jenny, why?"

"He didn't plan to leave, it's just what he did cause he loves you."

"That's not love. That'sa sadist."

She drifts back under.

* * *

 

"She's stable. Deep gash, but we'll keep her here for observation for a while, still running a few tests. I'd like to recommend a few therapists that specialize in these cases. Injuries like that we call them at risk"

Danny nods numbly. "Sure, sure."

* * *

 

"Has she been eating enough Mr. Reynolds?"

"Hardly at all since she's been mourning, except for sweets, why?"

"A woman in her condition should be eating more, well rounded meals. And given her recent trauma, blood loss and not getting proper nutrition, all that together, lack of oxygen, she fainted."

Danny's ears catch on one word. "What's her ' _condition_ '?"

The doctor looks at him strangely. The nurse has already briefed her on the odd circumstance this man hadexplained earlier. She's not quite sure how to say this.

Danny leaps to his feet. "Tell me"

"Congratulations, Mr. Reynolds."

The doctor can't decide if these are tears of joy or something else entirely.


	5. Crazy is Crazy does

Joe kisses Jenny's cheek because he has to head back out, but promises to double back soon as he can. Alone, Jenny saunters back into her sisters room. Down the hall, Danny paces and grumbles to himself as if half mad. When she cracks the door open Abbie looks so small and pale her chest constricts.

"Hey." she croaks.

"Hey." Jenny answers tightly, approaching bedside. "How you feeling?"

Abbie rolls her eyes to the ceiling, thinking. "Neither here nor there, to be honest. A little strange."

"Damn strange with what we found tonight. Abbie what were you thinking."

"It was just a spell Jenny," Abbie grumps, turning her head away. Jenny's eyes go to the plaster on Abbie's arm, she looks back and meets her sisters eyes. "I mean it." Abbie insists. "Just a spell, I wasn't trying to harm myself Jenny, honestly."

Jenny gives her a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Of course not Abbie. I know you wouldn't." A tear leaks down her cheek and Abbie frowns. "Hey. Jenny I'm here I'm alright."

"But you almost weren't. We know Abbie. About you spending all those hours at the archives, wearing that shirt"

"I'm in mourning."

"So are we." Jenny shoots back. "And we could all do it together but you've taken on the burden of mourning Crane like a suicide mission---"

"I was not trying to---"

"You walk in to find your sister in a pool of blood with a knife and tell me what you think." Jenny cuts in, rendering Abbie mute. She takes a moment to wipe away straggling tears and takes a deep breath, tucking loose tendrils behind her ear. "We've tried everything Abbie. If he was gonna come back he would have. I'm not gonna watch you almost kill yourself trying to lure him back here. I watched you become a ghost once I won't watch it again."

Abbie's gaze slides toward her sister, and she tilts her head. "Say that again?"

"You hide a lot of things well Abbie but I watched you become a little less when he left. Nothing like this, whatever you want to call this, like you're losing your damn mind. But you changed then. Adapted. I don't like the way you're _adapting_ now."

It's sobering to hear and see yourself through your sisters eyes. To be asked to see what she sees. Were it Jenny in this bed, Abbie would be furious, she knows it, demanding explanations and desperate to pull her back from the brink.

But she can't help the ache, the unanswered unknown chasm, of Crane. There are too many might have beens and perhaps and maybes that she entertains, late into the night, of if he were here. Or if she had gone.

They'd have time to argue and she could lay into him for abandoning her, but they might have finally gotten to that last, sweet tender place that he ambushed her with in their parting.

They would have had a kiss that started something, rather than end it.

She looks down at herself, draped in this sheet with needles and beeping monitor and sheds a tear. She'll admit at this moment, whether she'd meant to hurt herself or not, she hadn't been all that worried that she might go to far. And that's a painful thing to admit. That her own grip on life, on the world and the people around her had been made so tenuous by something so unfinished.

He'd cut her open again, gifted her the one thing she had needed from him before taking it all away.

Is having his love worth her life?

"I'm sorry Jenny,"

Jenny looks at her through reddened eyes.

"I don't wanna die, Jenny, I don't."

Jenny makes a garbled sound before leaning over to hug her. "As if I would let you." she scolds. "I'd dig you up if you did."

A startled laugh escapes her. "You're awful."

"I'm yours." Jenny chuckles. "And you're mine, so don't do things like that on your own okay? If you wanna keep trying to bring back Crane….." she trails off shrugging. "But always with us there. Especially….given developments." she says pointedly, raising her brows.

That's another thing.

_Oh God._

Suppose she had----?

The reality of what could have happened, what she almost did churns her stomach like a storm at sea. "Where's Danny." she asks.

"Danny" Jenny snorts. "There's a black man out there with a coat looks like he got it from Colonial Couture, is that Danny?"

A sigh"Yes."

"You're gonna make that guy crazy." Jenny warns. "Trying to imitate a dead man for your peace of mind."

"I never asked him to start doing that,"

"No but if driving himself insane will keep you happy he'll do it."She pecks Abbie's forehead and rises to leave the room. "Hey Reynolds." she calls and Danny's head swings her way. She nods back to the room. He unbuttons the collar of his shirt, feeling too warm and starts heading down the hall. 

* * *

 

Danny needed a moment after the doctor spoke to him. He'd taken off the coat he'd been posing in, rolled up his sleeves and scrubbed a hand across his face in frustration.

The woman cut her arm open trying to perform a resurrection spell. Has been asking him, telling him every day that he needs to leave before she hurts him and now this.

He's not sure Abbie's up to the task of it. In the state she's been in if she should even consider……it galls him to even think it, but maybe while she's grieving like this isn't the time for her to nurture a new life. Even if that new life is part of him.

From the first moment Daniel Reynolds had laid eyes on Abbie Mils, he hadn't even registered her height because she held herself so tall. It seemed more likely she was a compact giant than short. She looked him square in the eye she had shown him a thing or two during training. Her eyes glittered, and her smile sparkled, and looking on the face of Abbie Mills was like looking upon jewels that had been polished too bright.

One of a kind. Precious. Valuable. Look but don't touch, stuff.

Call him a magpie if you want but Danny has always broken rules. His mother lost more than one crystal dish that way, his prying curiosity and fascination with things that commanded so much attention, so much space. So even though there had been a sort of steeliness to her, he'd still wanted to pursue Abbie. To know what pressures had made such a diamond.

This woman, dwarfed in this hospital bed, dim, and a little ashen, is so far removed from that image of her----even in her despair and sorrow Abbie had been a force who fought him, sharp as a blade. This woman, lump takes form in his throat as for the first time, Danny really notices her size.

She's so, small.

So tender. How can she be asked to mourn and carry a life.

For the first time Danny wonders if this is something Abbie isn't strong enough for.

"You gonna stand at the door all day" she asks. His eyes start at the foot of the bed and trail upwards until they land on he face. He shifts uncomfortably. If he wasn't mistaken he'd think Abbie is looking at him. Really looking at him for the first time in days. Warily, he sidles in to the room. Draws up a chair.

"They're keeping me for observation. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah I can." he keeps his eyes on his clasped hands. "I'm gonna need to report it, you know. Put it in your file. All injuries have too."

"I know, Danny."

"I don't know what I should say. A robbery? there'll be an investigation, they'll want reports. Or the truth, huh? Tell them the truth?" he laughs but it's dark and hollow and there are tears shimmering in his eyes.

"Whatever's easiest." she says.

"I hid the knife."

"That's good."

"Threw out the candles, the book is still there, on a shelf."

Abbie bobs her head, taking in this cold inventory, feeling queasy. "Right."

"I mean," he rises from the seat and begins pacing. "It's my fault, I should have said it was a robbery when we came in. But maybe I can still back track and say I was in shock---"

"You're not going to perjure yourself for me, Danny. They have reports. Conclusions they've already come to."

"Abbie it's a label. They're always going to have that, they'll want you to go through a therapy program and counselling," he lowers his voice as he draws near. "Something following you around for the rest of your life. You told me how long it took with…." he looks away. Yes, she'd told him about all of that, too. Trees and demons and frightened girls in the woods.

She considers how little time she had spent factoring in her own demise before she'd gripped that blade. "That might be for the best."

He goes so still she thinks he's frozen. "Abs?"

"Say what the reports will----"

"but Abbie it's not true!" he says with such ferocity she swears her heart rate spikes. "I'm not going to say things about you that aren't true!"

She closes her eyes. "Up here, it wasn't." she says, reaching up to tap her head lightly. "But maybe, somewhere in here," her voice breaks as she taps her heart. "Maybe somewhere in here it was." when she opens them again Danny is openly crying beside her.

* * *

 

He visits the next day, entering the room cautiously.

"Danny." she whispers. "Danny please look at me."

He shakes his head.

"Reynolds," she commands weakly. "Did the doctor tell you?"

A nod. His silence makes her heart race. "Well?"

"I don't know if you should keep it."

It's as if Abbie's been punched. Her breath leaves her in a shocked gasp. " _What?"_

"Not the state you're in, Abbie, you're still going through so much. Being upset as you are is a risk to that life. And I don't blame your mourning, not one bit that takes time and babe you can take all the time you need with me. You can hurt me and put me in harms way but I'm not going to watch you endanger yourself or an innocent."

Defiance, sharp and quick takes root. "I'm keeping them."

"Abs."

"It's my body. I want them, Danny. I can't believe you'd even suggest……" it's her turn to look away from him now.

"Because you've been acting all together lately right? Because you're in a solid frame of mind, look at what you did the other night Abbie? Suppose I hadn't gotten there? I don't think you're fit---"

 _"Not. Fit._ "

What he's just said, it's like being doused with cold water. "I didn't mean,"

"The nurses took my jewellery and clothes, in that bag, over there." she nods to the bundle resting on top of the table. "Your grandmother's ring is in there----"

"Abbie don't,"

"Take it back." she says softly.

"Abbie."

"I'm 'not fit' to wear it right now. If ever again."

"Please don't do this right now. You're not well."

"I know that." she snaps. "Don't you think I know that? if I didn't before I do now. You think I'm too….. _weak_ to carry your child."

"I never _said that_."

"than what do you mean"

"Imean I don't think you love yourself, or me enough right now to start a family."

The monitor beeps.

_You've done it Mills, you've hurt him._

"Take your ring."

"That doesn't mean I've stopped loving you though Abbie I'm not giving up on you." he wrestles with it, she can seem him struggling, contrary to everything he's saying, Abbie knows Danny wants this child. He wants a family. With her. They want a family.

Wanted?

With Crane coiled so tight around her heart like a vice---

But she does want this child.

But he doesn't trust her to take care of it, not with

Crane coiled so tight around her heart like a vice----

it's a circular argument. Long silent moments stretch between them.

He kisses her forehead, "Please. I love you" and leaves.

* * *

 

They pick up where they left off, like the conversation never broke. "Danny."

"I'm sorry Abbie--I--I----I was just so scared."

"Me too."

"Keep the ring. I still want to be with you."

"Everything you know about me," her eyes water. "Everything I almost took from you, how can you still want me?"

"I do. I just do."

She laughs, wipes away tears and turns her head toward the window. "Take your ring, Danny. Just for now, okay? Let me get back to a place where it's fair to hold you to that promise. Don't argue with me," she says when she hears him mustering a protest. "But I want this baby. I'll go through all those hoops, counsellors and everything, and at night I might still weep for him, but…..I'm keeping them, if I can." she smiles faintly at him. "And I don't want to see you in that coat anymore. You're just fine as you, Danny. You're enough."

"Not enough to fill your heart." he says before he can stop himself.

_Wow._

Clearer than ever before Abbie can see Danny's hurt.

She's never seen Danny look so unsure in her life. A woman who hurts a man this deeply in such a short space of time has no business wearing his ring.

She turns her hand over, palm up, and he reaches for it. She meets his eyes and strokes the back of his hand with her thumb. "I love you with what I have." she says. "But you deserve more than that for me to wear that ring right now." and he knows by the tone of her voice there will be no further discussion on the topic. He exhales.

"Broken engagement,"

"And carrying your child."

"And mourning Ichabod Crane."

She nods, smiling in a way that conveys, she knows this all sounds insane.

"Well you wouldn't be the woman I love if you took the easy route." he grunts, then chuckles bitterly, and reality, the insanity, the ludicrous situation turns that laughter into something a little lighter. _She's crazy_ , he decides amid chuckles. _God I love her but she's crazy._

 _I've finally cracked_ , Abbie thinks as she joins in laughing with him, reaching to thumb a tear off his cheek and he catches her hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles.

It's rocky.

But it's a start.


	6. Calm and Cool and Stifling too

"So." Doctor Shauna Lin gestures for them both to sit down. "Miss Mills?"

"Abbie." she corrects, "And Daniel Reynolds."

"And he is your?"

"Partner,"

"More than that," Abbie interjects giving him a small tentative smile. "So much more, than that. We've….I've, just been having a rough time."

It'stwo weeks since the incident.

She was at a grief group yesterday, which they had all attended, Jenny, Joe, Danny and herself, their second visit there. It was strange to hear so many tales of sorrow, some complicated, some long suffering, but at its core, missing someone they loved, who had altered the landscape of their lives; she related to that, to them, more than she expected to. After they'd all gone for donuts, went tothe archives, carefully perusing through books, slowly, learning the place inside out. In case, just in case.

She still sees him at night sometimes when she sleeps. Wakes up sweating andcrying, she's still grumpy and giving everyone a hard time---but she's eating. That's an improvement. She let Danny launder the shirt she'd been hanging on to. 

They went to the doctors this morning, started discussing diet and vitamins.

She has a scar on her arm now, unrefined unapologetic blatant thing that makes her deeply sad in a way no other wound has.

This might be her strongest reminder of Crane of all, her almost fatal attempt to revive him. The line that might have taken her life in exchange for his. This injury that caused so much panic, worry, and hurt, that could have cost her something. Physical embodiment of her desperation and pain, her confused and unfulfilled love for him, all there, to carry with her. A literal scar.

It doesn't matter what her files say, or what they must have started whispering about her now at the office, she asks Danny but he always says nothing. She thinks he's lying, but for the first time she considers that lies might be a kindness.

It's still too early to feel comfortable telling anyone the news. She's still unsteady on her feet, in some ways. The to and fro now to therapy and home and specialists and archive and dinner with Jenny and Joe, and the Irving's came back, like a lightening flash---they actually arrived that way, Cynthia's gotten a helluva hold on magic now---were at the hospital day she was released, getting her settled back in at home.

They're waiting back at the house now. Yes, they've been there this whole time.

Oh how she craves silence.

But she wont have that for some time, not after the risks she took, she's earned herself this constant surveillance. Danny signed for a week to be there with her as part of release forms but Jenny called Cynthia and then they were all there, she goes home to them now.

The two witches cleaning and cooking with magic like its damn bed knobs and broomsticks. Irving trying to joke with her. They magicked an extension too, invisible from the outside, so they could all fit.

Her life feels absolutely and completely bizarre. But they leave tonight. She can't help but feel relieved, she loves them, tells them as much as she can manage that she appreciates their help---but quiet, is so novel, she can't help but look forward to it.

Danny is there, just as often, but a little strange with her now. She warned she would hurt him and she thinks she's done it at last. He recognizes her determination to live, but also how she clings to Crane, he said he'd take his time with her, but how long can she really ask him to wait?

So when he answers "Partner" she's a little quick to add, more for his benefit than Dr. Lin's, that she sees him as more than a colleague who is overly close. Surely he must see that?

"What sort of rough time, Abbie?"

While she considers a delicate way to start Danny jumps right in, in a manner akin to being pushed into the pool, "She was in love with another man before me. He left without explanation, and he passed recently, saving her life. And she's pregnant, for me, not him. I think you  have it in your file she was in hospital recently."

Lin blinks at him, astonished by the quick dump of information. Abbie is just surprised enough to be irritated with him but stops herself.

That's the other thing, trying to be calm, not to workherself up, for the baby, is an exhausting facade to uphold around so many people. When she's always being 'on' to convince them she's alright, on route to being "better" when really all she wants is a hot bath, to sleep, and yes, let her cry a little, just a little, into a pillow.

"Danny" she says instead, voice a little tight. "That's….a lot to start with."

He has the grace at least to be sheepish. "Sorry Abs. I just know you haven't had much opportunity to, really get into it. And when you do it makes you so upset----"

"I need to get upset Danny it's part of the healing process, isn't it? Isn't this what you always want me to do? Talk? share?" her tone takes on an edge he's gotten use to now that never used to show up before.

It's always like she's threatening him with a disagreement, like she craves a falling out, but he can't, they can't take such a risk.

"But," and he gestures vaguely toward her abdomen.

They both turn beseeching glances on Dr. Lin.

"Yes and no." she answers slowly. "It's, a balance. You are in a delicate" Abbie snorts and Lin purses her lips "condition, drastic actions or stress, isn't recommended for you right now"

"Of course not." Abbie replies smoothly, voice brittle as glass. He backs down from her now, or tries to placate her and that was never Danny's style. That has never been his way. Head on all or nothing.

And she knows by virtue of him being here, beside her, he's trying so hard, against everything she throws at him.

But it feels like nothing.

* * *

 

"I want pictures," Cynthia whispers, rubbing Abbie's shoulder. "Biweekly, I'll make them something," she beams and it finally clicks why Cynthia seems so excited about her pregnancy.

"Dear God no, you're not," she starts before Cynthia laughs and pulls her into an embrace.

"Oh, yes she is," Macey says drily. "A sibling, at my age, can you believe it?"

"How far along? Why didn't you say?" she asks, and hears the absurdly high pitched frequency of her voice. Is this what expectant mothers sound like with one another? hyper energized little birds?

"I think the same as you," Cynthia coos. "Give or take a week. It didn't seem right to mention when we came to look after you. Oh, our kids going to be friends," she says with a sort of finality that makes Abbie smile, truly, widely.

"I don't knit." Abbie warns. "So you'll get something nicely store bought from me."

"We can have a joint shower!" she exclaims, clapping her hands and just then Frank comes back from the car where he's been loading their things.

"Alright alright, you done over here?"

Cynthia turns, smacks her lips on his cheek, and another kiss for Abbie and Danny, hugs for Jenny and Joe and laughing begins pushing Macey toward the car.

"You guys….have come a long way," Abbie nods.

"Tell me about it, eh"

"Be right back Abs."

Danny says, dashing to help Cynthia grapple with Macey's chair, Joe and Jenny drift over too, muttering more partings and plans. Someone jokes about Jenny being next and she reels away as if slapped. "And ruin this body?"

Where she is at the door Abbie chuckles and feels Frank's eyes on her.

"It's funny we've been here this whole while and I don't feel like we really got to talk."

"Too many people not enough time."

"Next time, then" he promises. "That man you got there, he alright?"

"I put him through hell" she answers honestly and Frank chuckles.

"I believe that."

"It's hard Frank. Mourning Crane, doing….this," she looks down at her stomach, she doesn't even hint at showing yet. "And, him. He's gone quiet on me too, like he doesn't want to stir me up but----"

"You seen how destructive you've been when you're stirred up?" he raises a brow. "Can't blame him not wanting to rock your boat."

"It doesn't help. I feel like an island-----"

"Look, from what I see he's not here for your scintillating conversation."he smiles. "Man loves you but he's afraid of you going off and…."

"Endangering the baby."

"And yourself. He cares about you too, Mills. We all do. Now wanting this kid, raising a life, it's a beautiful thing, but don't think it's gonna give you reason. It's not going to fix anything that you don't want to fix."

"So what am I supposed to do, Frank"

Frank shrugs. "What Cynthia did with me, what I did with her, what he did with you. Be patient with him. But push him too, challenge him. Be in it."

* * *

 

It's a shame Abbie's take on being 'in it', means provoking him.

She plans it---she has a serious moment in which she examines the level of disturbed it takes to plan a confrontation---for a weekafter the Irvings have left.

He stops by after work, brings a few recent case files to pass her eye over--he shouldn't be doing it but he knows how she likes to keep sharp. And they've all gotten weary of crossing their eyes over the material in the archives. He's tried buying her books but she doesn't have the patience to immerse herself in a story lately.

He made the horrible mistake of picking up a copy of Me Before You before understanding how it ends. She'd thrown it at him demanding if he intended for her to lose her mind because at her rate she certainly didn't need any help.

So case files it is.

He drops them on the bed, pecks her forehead chastely, asks politely if she needs anything and it's so…..restrained, so careful, Danny has never handled her carefully, ever. He's been gentle but strong and firm with her, not, this half shadow he's become in order to what, give her space? Make her comfortable? not crowd her?

She had someone give her space before, who controlled all his impulses and look at her now.

"Stop it."

"What now Mills?" he asks, giving her a half baked lop sided smile.

"Being like this. So careful with me, do I look like I'll break?"

He blinks at the shift in tone. Nope,an argument down this way lies and he's not taking that trip with her. He shakes his head, "No Abs, you break? strongest woman I know," he says lightly, easing back out the door before she scrambles off the bed and blocks the way.

"Hey!" he yelps.

"What?"

"Don't move so fast!"

"Excuse me?"

"You might, upset something in there."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"As an ever loving heart attack."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why"

"I mean why when since I've left the hospital you've been handling me like it says fragile on the label."

"It does, in itsy bitsy fine print that you refuse to read."

She begins to approach him. "I thought you said I wasn't weak."

"You aren't."

"Then why are you pulling away from me Danny."

"What are you talking about? I tell you every day I love you, I'm here every moment I get."

"But you're closing off from me!"

 _"I'm_ closing off from you? You who weeps at night and claws for him, I've heard you say his name in your sleep Abbie. What do you mean?"

"You used to make me sit with you and tell you things no matter how hard it was on both of us. You used to demand more of us both. You didn't use to be afraid."

"Well I am!" he roars. "Of you losing that baby, of you losing yourself, of this woman who is full blown crazy but I'm still here going crazy with her you think it's easy biting my tongue, tip toeing around you?"

"Then why do it? You trying to be him Danny cause you can't be"

"Lord knows I could never be Crane. I wasn't destined for you like he was." he bites out "Hell, since you're asking, since you insist, I never really got a proper answer when I asked so I'll ask you this now. Would you be happier if it was me?"

And Abbie cannot believe she thought courting a quarrel was a good idea. "If I---"

"If I went and he was here would you be happier? Would you spend less time in magic books and less time sniffing shirts?"

"Danny," her previous endeavour forgotten. " _No_ , Danny, Danny, come here, _no._ "

"Let go of me Mills you're out to destroy us tonight God only knows why."

"Because I _miss you._ " she says, and she stomps her foot. Did I really just do that, she groans inwardly. He pauses at the door and turns around, one brow raised.

"You just stomp your foot Mills?"

"Like a damn five year old."

He sighs. "What's really going on with you, I thought you were doing okay."

"You know I'm not. But you're the one not talking to me. You're…..you're acting like him. The way he used to respect my space and never pry, I know you're trying not to 'upset me' but I feel like I'm going to explode, I need to talk but I need you to be right there with me. I know I'm asking a lot of you. I always do and I'm sorry I wish I didn't. But I need you."

Need.

"Abbie you don't need me, never have."

"Don't try to tell me what I need."

"Abs,"

"He's always going to be unfinished. He's always going to haunt me. I loved him and never got to do anything about it, because you know what Danny for all of how well we knew each other, we never got this close, we never had this. I….I think I fed that. I never wanted anything to change, not really, because I was afraid of getting too close, always have been, its never ended well for me. So he got close but never knocked. Never went all in like you. You, kept knocking, you kept demanding I stop being afraid, you made me embrace fear hurt and everything else because it means I'm alive." she approaches him and curls her hand around his arm, spinning him around. " _Be alive **with** me."_

"Be---" she grabs his collar tugging him down and crashes her lips into his.

"Please," she whispers, trailing kisses around his face, reaching to unbutton his shirt but he slaps her hands away. This turn around is too fast for him, it's gonna do his head in. "Danny," she insists, gripping his shirt sleeve, the strength she's found in this moment is a little frightening as he finds himself stumbling back and the she all but pushes him down on the bed.

"Abs," he starts, raising himself up on his elbows before she's on him again, but more gentle. He'd almost think it was like old times. She caresses his face and breathes on his neck and he can feel his own temperature rising.

"Be here with me."

"In just as much pain? confusion? babe, you're, you're working yourself up, come on, lie down."

"We used to share it all before. I know I'm being difficult Danny, I know it, but don't…..I've tried my hardest to do so but the truth is I'm just a selfish monster and I don't mean it anymore, I don't want to push you away, Danny, please don't make what I'm going through, don't let me use this against us,"

He's silent as he drinks her in, still trying to wrap his head around how they went from A to B. Yes, he admits he's been treading softly round her but he had no idea that could be having an adverse effect---how on earth is he supposed to make sense of her? He might actually lose his own mind by the time she's through.

"Danny?"

He pulls her to him and gives her the softest, gentlest kiss---the first real one since Crane passed--- before he starts going for something deeper, more passionate, his hand curling in her hair, holding her against him when he stops. "I'm here with you." he breathes. "But don't come at me like this. You want me you just need to say."

"I'm not over him."

"I understand that."

"I'm not done with you."

Danny looks pointedly down at her in his lap. "I can see that."

"So have we made any progress at all?"

"I kissed the woman I love the way I like to for the first time in a while. That's something. I thought I was helping you out, I really did, but if you want me there,"

"In my space." she says.

"Yeah?"

"Like before."

"You don't need to force yourself Abbie, rush anything because of that baby, if you ever decide you just can't love me the way you did him----"

"I could never love you the way I did Crane. You don't hurt me like he did."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this mean she's ready to move forward and leave Crane behind? Not entirely. But she doesn't want to lose Danny, she still sees something worth fighting for there. But it's pretty safe to say, I'm an on upswing from here.....


	7. How I Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No other reason than the idea came to me for something kinda sweet.  
> What can I say, he leaps at the opportunity to do something nice for her.

"You know, that's not really love. If they hurt you to show they care."

"I know that Danny, what I mean is, You are two completely different people. I love Crane the way I did, a little secret, a little angry, something unfulfilled. How I feel about you is open, a little terrifying."

"Only a little?"

"All I'm saying is if I'm with you. I don't need you to love me like Crane. Love me like you. Love me how _you_ love me Danny."

He eyes her a moment before reaching to twirl a strand of hair around his finger. Gazing into her eyes that have spent so much time crying, crinkling around the corners, so exhausted. He leans in to whisper in her ear. "Take off your clothes."

Two doe eyes blink. A disbelieving laugh. "Excuse me?"

He reaches for the hem of her shirt and begins hauling it up. "Off, come on."

"You want---"

"I'm gonna run you a bath."

"A bath?"

He nods, small smug smile curling his mouth as he bundles the discarded shirt in his arms. "And read to you too. You can't concentrate enough to read on your own, so I'll, narrate."

"Read to me?"

"You gonna keep repeating after me Abbie because I will get you some crackers and start calling you Polly."

"I just don't understand---"

"I take care of you, right? I'm there, in your space. That's me. This is how I love you. You, need some tender love and care." he leans in and pecks her nose. "To decompress, proper. hurry up." He stands there, waiting expectantly for her pants, throws her a robe---silk one she hasn't touched in forever---while she slips out of her underwear and disappears into her bathroom. He's in there ten minutes fiddling when she finally decides to find out what's taking him so long and is hit with the scent of lavender.

He shrugs apologetically. "Only salts you have."

"I'm gonna be drowsy when this is done."

"Well you need sleep, so good. Go on." He holds out his hand to her and with her other hand she unknots the flimsy robe, shucking out of it with one foot in the tub and he watches her submerge herself before he pours bubble bath in, swishing his hand in the water, finger tips grazing her ankle under the suds. She watches him thoughtfully.

"You switched gears quick."

"I take direction very well." he smirks. "You know that's what they said on one of my reports at training? 'Takes direction very well."

She snorts a laugh as he disappears for a moment, returning with his shirt sleeves rolled up and book in hand. "Now, I read that Me Before You the other day----"

"You read it?"

"After you near beaned me in the head with it I needed to know what I did so wrong."

She gapes at him, amused.

"Well I found my answer when I finished it. Yes I cried. But this is even better, I hear."

She raises a brow skeptically, gathering bubbles up to her chest. "What is it."

"The sequel."

Abbie sinks down into the water. "You're kidding."

"No, honestly someone said this is far more uplifting than the first. It's called After You. She said she only cried once because it was funny."

"Hhmp." her eyes close. "And this one is about?"

"Louisa, after Will died," he says, choosing his words carefully. He watches as Abbie's eyes drift slowly back open and she turns her head his way. "How she coped." he continues. "How she moved on" He starts thinking this is perhaps too pointed "----you know what, maybe this was a bad idea---"he begins to rise from the toilet seat where he's taken his post when Abbie calls out, a dripping hand reaching after him.

"No. No, it sounds…..sounds like something I need to hear."

"You sure?"

She nods. "Come here, and read to me."

* * *

 

He reads the first three chapters after which something that wasn't particularly funny, but ironic, occurred, and Abbie had giggled. "She might end up in the same boat as him."

Danny frowns. "The sales woman expressly told me it wasn't sad. I'm gonna be pissed if she lied."

Which only makes Abbie laugh more. "I think you're enjoying it." His dark skin colours slightly.

"It's….light reading."

"Just shelve the idea that we're going to see the movie---" at the crestfallen expression on his face Abbie chokes. "Are you serious? Did you want to go?"

"No, no Mills. No," he tries to shrug it off, setting the book on the counter and grabbing her robe for her to step into.

"No, you wanted to see that chick flick."

"Abbie" he groans.

"You! Who, who said he felt nothing during Titanic, the notebook," she rattles off playfully.

"I couldn't relate to any of them," he says a little defensively as she slips one arm and then the other in the sleeves.

More laughter. And it's good to hear her laugh so much even at his expense.

"And you can relate to Louisa Clark? _In what way_?" she presses, eyes glittering.

"Because she's fighting for someone she loves to keep holding on to life, to live it."

The laughter dies quickly.

He's ruined it, the brief moment of lightness, snuffed out. Frustrated with himself he turns away from her. "Sorry Abs, I didn't----" he feels her arms come up to wrap around him from behind, her head leaning on his back. She feelseach inhale and exhale beneath her fingertips.

She breathes with him. 


	8. Alright Alright Alright

The days march on.

* * *

 

Shirt lifted up to just under breast, Abbie turns in the mirror.

_Leftenant?_

_Yeah?_

In the mirror, she thinks she can see him. And then she imagines he steps out of the glass toward her.

_Leftenant?_

_I'm here, Crane_.

He approaches her, cautiously, head cocked to the side. He doesn't bother to flush at the sight of her bare flesh. Rather he seems very enthralled by it, a hand reaching tentatively forward. Biting her lips together she nods.

His blue eyed gaze locks with hers as he draws closer and presses his feather light finger tips to her abdomen, no longer flat and muscled but slightly stretched, an almost polite protrusion.

She watches him, ghost pale hand on her belly, studying the way his lips begin to curl upwards as he lifts his head, and the joy there.

 _Abbie_ , he says warmly. _Oh, my Abbie_. His eyes are so kind as he reaches to stroke her face and he begins to nod, yes, yes, yes.

_Breathe, Abbie, breathe._

So she exhales, and he begins to laugh, eyes crinkling with mirth and disbelief. He steps around behind her and she holds his hand there, eyes closed. His other arm comes up around her, holding her. Oh this closeness she was denied in life.

 _It's alright, my love._ He whispers, and impossibly his lips kiss the wandering tear making its way down her cheek. _I **know**. And it's alright._

When her eyes open she's alone.

"Crane?"

Still air.

"Crane, please, I…..if you're there…." shaking her head for her silly imaginings, she turns back to the mirror, examining herself, startled when she hears the floor board creek.

Danny has been standing there, watching her.

Came up to ask what she wanted to eat and found her there, guiding invisible hands to feel her belly.

Suspended in time she waits for him to speak, but he takes a breath, and walks away.

Alone Abbie huffs her frustration. She'll need to explain that later and she doesn't know quite how to start. To open with 'it's not what it looks like' sounds like an admission of doing something wrong.

And she's sure it wasn't.

Was it?

Mentally, sure, it's probably a little off your rocker to picture a dead man caressing your bump.

But that's what therapy's for, right?

* * *

 

"Miss Mills" Dr. Lin greets. "And Mr. Reynolds?"

"He's…..letting me have all the time today."

"Alright. Tell me about your week."

"Actually doctor I have a more immediate matter."

Lin pauses, trying to negotiate which posture will be more welcoming. She settles for leaning slightly forward, uncrossing her legs."Yes?"

"Is it normal to….talk, to…" Abbie waves her hand vaguely. "Talk to uh….dead, people?" It's absurd that she's asking a question like this given the fact that her life has been full of so many things that are not classified as 'normal'.

"Unknown, dead people, or……"

"No! no no no, Let me start over," Abbie blurts. "Crane. The man I was in love with. I….I see him, sometimes, and I, I talk to him. And I'm not dreaming it. But I've seen him in my dreams too."

"It depends." Lin says carefully. "Many people communicate with those who have passed to cope, with the grief. To keep them around, in a way. What would really concern me is if in some way you are bringing that person more so into your life, then letting them go."

Blinking and a screwed up mouth. "I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Why don't you tell me about the last time you saw Crane?"

"yesterday, in my room. He….came while I was looking at myself," she chortles softly, gesturing downwards. Lin glances at the swell of belly and then back at her kindly. "He….I imagined…..that he felt them."

"Did he say anything, Abbie?"

"It's alright." her eyes water and an unanswered question suddenly seems to have one. The tears that follow are a burden lifted off her shoulders. A forgiveness she hadn't even entertained she'd been seeking. "He said _it's alright._ "

* * *

 

"How'd it go?"

"You saw me yesterday, didn't you" It's not really a question.

He squeezes her hand.

"He….I…..I'm not, conjuring him…..or anything."

"I know Abs."

"He's, he's just there sometimes Danny, I can't help that."

"It was just strange, that's all but I'm not mad at you Abbie. How can I be?"

"It shouldn't still be like this, nearly two, three months?"

"You don't cry at night anymore," he pauses "as much," he amends, an arm curling around her shoulder. He sleeps beside her now, with her tucked into his side. Perhaps he should be disconcerted that she still dreams Crane while in his arms. That his shirt is still sometimes a little damp with tears. But come morning she's snuggled up so close to him, and drowsily tracing his face, he counts his blessings for that. Abbie pouts.

"No but now he's touching my stomach."

"Healing isn't a race, babe. Take your time. I've got you."

_It's alright._


	9. Peace

"Hey, Crane…..are, are you in here?"

* * *

 

Abbie rolls over in the morning and finds her side of the bed empty. She doesn't panic though. She blinks her eyes around the room, listening for him in the shower or down in the kitchen, frowns. Now she rises slowly, swinging her feet down into slippers, sauntering by the mirror and marvelling for a minute at her changing frame as she roves out into the hallways. "Danny?"

She walks further down, checking the bathroom, spare bedroom, down the steps, his shoes and coat are gone, there's still a pot of coffee that couldn't have been brewed that long ago. "Danny?"

The door bell rings and with her brow furrowed and lips pursed Abbie meanders to the door, "Morning how can I--oomph!"

"Baby, look at you, turn around for me now."

Abbie stammers. "Mrs--Mrs Reynolds, I….wasn't expecting you?"

"Neither is Danny, but it was driving me insane….he told me you said yes and then he disappeared on me. Wouldn't return my calls, nothing. I decided I'd come see what was troubling my son. And I'm gonna clock him one too, you got a bun in the oven and he didn't say."

Still dazed by this unexpected visit Abbie blinks. "Bun….?"

Deidre Reynolds raises a brow and glances pointedly down at Abbie's bump.

"Oh! Yeah, um, we didn't want to tell anyone until I'd made it past three months." she explains calmly. That and I was not, and still am not, in some ways, in the right headspace to deal with all of this congratulatory nonsense, she gripes inwardly, but she can't be mad long.

Deidre Reynolds she's only met a handful of times, and don't even mention the rest of Danny's family, thinking about it makes her hyperventilate, but Deidre has only ever been warm and welcoming towards her, and she's a bit on the hard side too, like Abbie, so far, they get along. Except for surprise visits, this might be the first instance that they could disagree because Abbie so dislikes the unpredictable, but she decides to let it go. Of all things, a visit is hardly the thing one should go picking a fight for.

"Well you look past it now. When are you due?"

"Um, well," Abbie starts to count and feels a little light headed. It's too early for this much excitement. To entertain.

"Oh no. Did I wake you love?"

"No, I….I was hoping you were Danny," she laughs shyly. "He went out this morning, didn't tell me where he was headed to."

"Used to pull that trick on me," Deidre muses, shaking her head and politely wedging herself in the door past Abbie, with one bag, only. "Mom i'm going up the street' and out the door before I can ask to do what where and with whom" Settling her bag in the hall she turns on Abbie again fondly, eyes glittering, and then frowns.

"Where's your ring?"

Way too early for this.

After she gave it back to Danny she hadn't seen hide nor tail of it, and she hadn't gone looking. She meant it, if she was going to put that ring back on she was going to do it when she was sure she had enough room in her heart, and enough love to give to commit her life to his.

But explaining that to his mother while she is obviously carrying his child seems a daunting task that she isn't up for.

Deidre watches her expectantly waiting for an answer but suddenly releases a sigh. "Always did come on strong, my Daniel. You need time still, right? He gets that from his father." Deidre continues, shuffling off her shoes and taking a few steps down the hall looking around. "I half think I married his father so the man would stop asking me." she laughs fondly. "You have a lovely home, don't know if I've ever mentioned it."

Sorting words in her head Abbie pads past the woman and into the kitchen who easily follows behind her. "Coffee, Tea?" she manages at least and Deidre shakes her head. "Cold glass of orange juice, please! It's too hot."

Smiling, she grabs the juice and a glass. "It's things have been, complicated lately, I don't know if he told you but---"

"And I don't need to know. What's between you is between you, You can share if you like, but it's not my business. Just, I want you to understand something." She leans forward on the island eyes warm. "Whatever goes on between you and my son," she glances at Abbie's stomach. "You're part of us now. Part of me."

Abbie's eyes water unexpectedly and she turns away in a futile attempt to hide it, shaking her head from side to side. "Thank you."

"Anytime Abbie love. What are you crying for?"

"I do love your son." Abbie admits. "I just don't want to hurt, him."

Deidre twists her mouth. "My Daniel's a grown man. If You've gotta hurt him you hurt him. But if you wanna love him you love him."

Abbie considers her words as she drains her own glass. "Do you mind if I step out for a minute? I've…..I've got a hunch where Danny's gone."

"Don't mind me here I'll sit pretty till you get back. And then we're going shopping."

"Shopping?"

"Give you another two or three months you're not gonna be able to keep squeezing into those cute little t shirts you've got on. Take you maternity shopping. Bring your sister too."

Abbie blushes as she looks down at herself, truthfully her shirt is riding up over the swell of belly. Crossing around the island Abbie embraces the woman and feels the child inside give a little flutter of approval.

"Oh! Know's granny already."

"I'll be right back." Abbie smiles, shoving her feet in her shoes.

* * *

 

"I'm grateful for what you did. You, you saved my life, Abbie's, my future. Because she told you, right? She's had a rough go without you Crane. I'm not gonna lie sometimes I've wondered if she wouldn't have been happier had we traded places. You were her destiny after all, not me. I should count myself lucky I got to be part of the tale, but I….if I could spare her the pain she's had since you've been gone…..I'd go back, Crane, and, it would be me. But I love her. I love her, so, damned much. And it's odd but I miss you, too. She's told me, so much about you, it was like I knew you before you got here. I always knew there might be a day I'd have to fight you for her. I was ready. I was ready to go head to head and maybe even lose and eventually after knocking heads a couple of times, we'd be on the same team. You were always a part of her life, a part of mine, even when you weren't there." Danny blinks, sitting down heavily on a long abandoned chair. The town has been blessedly quiet since, and the fervour of scouring the archives has dwindled. "So I miss you too Crane, I mourn you, too. For the friend, the, enemy, I might have had." he laughs.

Intrigued by this unconventional caller Crane's form manifests in the room, but he remains invisible to Danny.

"I love her and that little life, and I wouldn't have them, Crane, if it wasn't for your sacrifice. And God, saving Abbie when I found her that day but---because of you she's here with me. I know you never had me in mind, man. But you gave up everything and left behind everything for me. I want you to know, I appreciate what you've done for us. I forgive you for the hurt you caused her. And I will keep your memory alive with Abbie. I wish you peace, wherever you are."

The door creaks open and Abbie opens her mouth to call to Danny before she sees Crane's form looking on Daniel with interest. She'd heard most of that speech, listening intently and glancing at the apparition who had a small, almost smug smile on his face. She opens her mouth again to address Crane before he drifts over to Danny, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

_Give her reasons to smile, Daniel. That will give me peace._

Danny looks around, baffled that he is sure he just heard the voice of the deceased himself when his eyes land on Abbie.

"Abs? what're you doing here?"

"You left your phone." she replies, sidling further into the room.

"How long have you been standing there," he asks with narrowed eyes.

"Long enough," she quips. "Danny. I would never trade you for Crane. I want you to understand that, I could never be happier that way. If you want the truth I'd be torn up either way. And for all that destiny…….we had good times, Crane and I……but you and I have had, more. A whole damn lot more than what I got with him, because you weren't afraid to want me, Danny. Weren't afraid to hurt for me. That…..that's all you." she wraps her arm around his and begins to march him out of the archives.

Danny looks down at her a little suspiciously. "How did you know I'd be here?"

Abbie quirks her mouth. "Followed my heart."

 


	10. Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full steam ahead

"By the way, your mom's here."

* * *

 

Self assured and purposeful, Abbie can handle her self in all things even alien, absurd new territory. But clothing her body while she's growing another human being, well it hadn't completely occurred to her that she'd need new clothes. And she wasn't prepared for how these silhouettes seemed to go out of their way to show off her body and maintain current trends. She's also never been over fond of dresses. But if it isn't the first thing Deidre asks her to try on, a yellow, cheerful dress. And of course Jenny says it makes her glow. And Deidre shrugs noncommittally. "I like it, but I know it's not your usual. Thanks for humouring me anyway hon." And Abbie turns in the mirror and twists this way and that and finds herself warming to it. Smiling at her reflection.

_You're going to be a mother._

It hits home, now.

It's been true the whole time and she's been aware of it, but something about seeing herself here, and she is glowing, she looks a version of happy and health she didn't think she would ever know again. She'd barely been bothering with her hair, or looking at herself properly in a mirror but she wonders now, when did her hair get so thick? When did her skin start looking so rosy?

"Oh my God" she half whispers to herself.

Mrs. Reynolds flusters. "If you don't like it sweetheart you can take it off---"

"I love it. My, first maternity dress," she laughs a little, pinching the fabric. "Oh my God, this is me,"

"Well. You need to pick up a few more things, of course. But it'll be on me."

"What? Deidre no,"

"Abbie love? Please? A gift, that's all. Won't get a thing you don't like."

Jenny scoffs. "Why you always gotta make it so hard for people to be nice to you?" her sister grins. "Hell, I wish I was preggers right now so I could get a spree."

"For who my man?" Abbie shoots back.

_Oh?_

That's a little new too, refreshing almost, the belongingness of it. Has she let herself think something that clear, even in jest, since losing Crane?

"Down girl ain't nobody want your hells kitchen reject." Jenny crows and the sisters both break into laughter, Deidre joining in.

"I worry on a regular basis that boy will burn his house down. You know he set his dorm room on fire when he was in school?"

* * *

 

Danny settled Deidre in at his place for the rest of her stay. Only three days. She would not be convinced to stay any longer---of all things Abbie suddenly found she wanted to keep Deidre around.

Mrs. Reynolds was motherly to her but not pushy. She loved making suggestions to Abbie, eagerly, at times, but had always been willing to back off. She did Abbie's hair the night before she left, sat Abbie down in her couch while she worked her fingers through Abbie's abundant tresses. Her eyes had fluttered closed. How long had it been since her head had been touched with such gentleness and care? She'd relaxed under the woman's touch, while she hummed lullabies from Daniel's childhood. Abbie was still half singing one when she went to bed.

She was teary when Deidreleft, and the older woman was moved by this display. In the brief times they've met Abbie has always been a guarded woman. In this visit alone it seems Abbie has peeled back a layer, and she is so warmed that Abbie has been able to share and open up, in the ways she feels comfortable with her.

Deidre has always wanted a daughter, bonus being that by extension she seems to have inherited spirited Jennifer as well, who has come by twice just to talk.

Mrs. Reynolds may not know how much the Mills girls have missed a mother figure. And they'd never say it, never dishonour their own to call her a replacement, but her presence has been comforting to them both.

"Mm mm stop crying now you're having a shower right?"

"A friend who's hell bent on throwing one," she sniffles amidst chuckles.

"Well I wouldn't dare miss it. Take care of yourself love."

"Thank you Deidre."

"You ladies finished?" Daniel chimes from the car, where he waits a little over eager maybe to pack his mother off in a taxi.

Deidre winks. "He's been jealous of me hogging all your time. You call me if you need anything, alright?"

"I will." she nods, embracing the woman once more before she saunters away, exchanging hugs and kisses with her son.

"Don't you rush that girl." she scolds him. "You love her your best and let time tell."

* * *

 

When the car is gone Abbie leans on the doorframe smirking at him.

"what Mills, what have you got planned?"

"Let's go see a movie."

He raises a brow. "Oh-kay," he says slowly. "Which one?"

"A surprise." she teases, gripping his fingers and tugging him toward the car.

At the time when it happens, Abbie will hold his hand and be deeply moved in her heart that Daniel is such a sensitive man, while he bawls during the back half of Me Before You. After, once back at the house, she will relentlessly rib him for going to pieces while his dark skin flushes in embarrassment. "Come on Abs, why'd you do that to me just to laugh at me?"

"Because I know, you secretly direly did want to see that movie but wouldn't admit it. And it was good. I've just never seen you cry during such a……romantic drama"

"Well now you have, happy?"

Her eyes crinkle at him in mirth. "I am." fluttering, not the baby, starts in her chest, because this is a new thing she's learned about Danny now. That he could be the type of guy who weeps at films. The sort who will quietly recite the lines because he knows the book so well---because he honestly relates to a woman, fighting to keep her loved one alive. It's so sweet, so dear. This new, fine little layer of him.

Danny cocks his head to the side while she keeps staring at him before she steps into his arms, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

* * *

 

Some weeks after,

A very lax, part time return. Unanimously agreed it doesn't make sense for her to come back full time when she'll be leaving again soon anyway.

Desk duty, is a tedious enterprise. Files, reports, they come in, she delegates, and sits there, waiting for the information to filter back in to her. She can't help but scan them over carefully, looking at murder scenes that churn her stomach---well Danny had warned she shouldn't try coming back yet---searching for anything that looks unnatural.

She fights the odd thrill that courses through her that, yes, that might be an axe or claw wound, with the relief that it is, just a stabbing victim.

Although to say 'just', it's a testament to the life she leads, that she should be relieved about something like that.

And good God, in her condition, she'd better pray all harbingers of the apocalypse are taking at minimum an eighteen year sabbatical.

Rapping at the door announces Danny, poking his head in. "Shut up shop babe, time to head home."

"What? No, I just----"

"We agreed, on how many hours didn't we?"

"Yes but---"

He raises a brow.

"Danny," she continues sternly, prepared to use her small giant might to get her way when he steps all the way into the room, closing the door behind him. His proximity makes her pulse ramp up these days in ways it didn't always before. For so long her feelings for Danny have been a quiet simmering thing, beaten back so thoroughly by her mourning for Crane. Don't ask her what's stoked the fires recently--part of her wants to blame hormones---but now everything about her and Danny somehow feels new again, like something starting.

And it's a distracting enough feeling she suddenly has forgotten what she was going to argue about when he kisses her softly---quicker than she would have liked---and easily gathers her belongings, bag in hand and politely instructs her to lead the way out the door.

"I don't like this I use to put up more of a fight with you," she muses, rubbing a hand on her belly in one of the new blouses Deidre had bought for her.

"Well you don't have to." he says kindly. "You can give in _entirely_ to letting me have all the say," he cajoles. Abbie smacks his arm as he puts the car in drive.

But that's the very thing. She feels like she's giving into him, her feelings, her heart, in a more complete way than she ever has before.

"I'm falling in love with you," she says softly as he pulls out the parking lot. He pauses, puts the car back in park and turns towards her. "All over again," she finishes, reaching up to touch his face and he clutches her hand, holding it against his cheek.

Nothing has ever changed on his end, but in many ways the past few months have been like starting from ground zero. Sure they sleep in the same bed now but besides a soft intermittent kisses throughout the day, some held hands, there's been no fire. Steady, steadily he has shown her love, in foot rubs and bringing all of the absurd snacks she demands and holding her sometimes, cuddled close on the couch while she dozes on his shoulder. And many murmured I love you's on his end, and very sparse, hesitant admissions from her.

Abbie has been more open and they are spending time together, they are healing and growing and doing so well compared to some months ago when the hurt was so fresh.

But this.

These words from her, ringan awakening bell. Announcing, shyly, a profound change. A bareness, a readiness.He smiles at her, leans in, but she stops him a breath away, when she speaks her lips practically brush against his.

"I wanna go dancing," she whispers, eyes glittering at him.

"Anything you want, Abs." he smiles, "You name it, it's yours."

Abbie pulls him in the rest of the way, she hopes he can feel it, understand by the way her lips move: _I want you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let there be love <3 
> 
> Yeah I'm gonna start fixing the other one now. I just had to play catch up here, lol.


	11. We're Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More love!
> 
> Links are included to the songs I had in mind while writing this. ^.^ 
> 
> Comments are love.

Abbie takes the shower first. Marvelling at her changed body as the water crashes over her. The filling with the sweet scents of berries and flowers. When she steps out the mirror is completely fogged. She clears away the mist, smiling at her reflection, honestly smiling. How long has it been? She counts from April, the month everything about her life changed. Accepted a proposal, reunited with the most infuriating man who had managed to capture her heart, the singular Ichabod Crane, for all of two days before losing him, for good. Every now and again she still dreams of that blast, but instead of being sucked into the box, Crane is shielding her from wicked creatures trying to leap out of it. Or throwing gifts at her from the cursed relic. And often, Danny is there, and the two of them are sharing some sort of understanding, to love her, look out for her. The bottom line being, the dreams don't scare her, and in some ways have started to represent something bittersweet pleasant.

The time Crane gave himself so she could live, sacrifice.

Gave himself, so she could have this, precious, precious……her thoughts trail off, rubbing her belly.

A passing of the torch, from one to the other, to be by her side, keep her strong.

She will always love Crane. For everything he had been to her, heartache and all.

But she loves Danny too, and somehow, reconciling that her love for Crane will never just vanish, she will keep him with her always, and has now, things she wouldn't otherwise---it opens her up more than she thought herself capable of for Danny. The love she feels for Danny this time around, is ungoverned and surprising to her. She finds herself craving him, and while she had always cared for and enjoying him this growing pull she is feeling towards him is new.

Freeing.

Grasping the door handle Abbie feels really free, for the first time, to love Danny the way he has loved her.

Fearlessly.

* * *

 

Champagne fabric hugging her curves tight, her small stature somehow seems borderline inappropriate to have so many curves happening at once, but she still looks so, ravishing, Danny can't help the smile that breaks across her face as she descends the stairs.

"You're too good for me," he whispers as she draws nearer. "You're a dream, or something divine, Abs, I shouldn't be so lucky to---" she lays a finger on his lips, curling her hand into his.

"Well you are." she answers. "And so am I."

Eyes twinkling he nods and offers his arm. "Let's go"

* * *

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV_G3mnCq14> Voce Existe e mim- Josh Groban

 

It feels so good to dance. Like another return, another homecoming. With their hands grazing, eyes sparkling, laughter spiralling into the air around them, and the looks of the other patrons, smitten by the expecting couple, keeping energy and fire in their romance.

They know nothing of the cold grieving roads the pair have walked to get here.

All they see are two people in love, almost deliriously happy about the new member about to grace their lives. Two people, who touch and dance and move with such gusto, you would think this is the first time.

That this is some chance encounter and there was some instant undeniable attraction. That there are sparks flying and hearts ramping up, exhilarated by the new and strange.

And it is all of these things, new old and unknown. He clasps her hand and salsa's with her, a neat side step and dances around behind her, where she locks his hands around the swell of champagne swathed stomach, her head turned just to the side, smiling softly as he kisses her temple. When they are facing one another again, she drapes her arms around his neck, dancing, pressing as close as they can manage, her breath on his neck, grazing his throat with her lips and he looks down at her a bit shocked.

He doesn't plan on crying, but he is moved, deeply, in his core, by Abbie tonight. The way she moves, touches him, smiles and looks at him, with fire, with joy, some part of him doubted he would ever see this from her again, and yet so much more.

At this moment she is wholly present with him, wanting him, and at one point he rests his chin on her crown, an arm around her waist, the other resting on the back of her curls and just dances there with her so close to him, his eyes closed, savouring this moment.

The feeling that at last Abbie has come home.

When they leave, and he pauses outside the car, tipping her chin up and pressing his lips to hers, it means: Welcome Home.

* * *

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xUfCUFPL-8> XO-Beyonce

_Your love is bright as ever_

Abbie captures his lips with hers when he sits down on the bed to remove his socks, catching him entirely by surprise.

_Even in the shadows_

_Baby kiss me_

When she pulls back for a breath he chases after her, hands on her hips, pulling her closer to stand between his legs. He feels her smiling beneath his lips as she begins to kiss him again, lips soft against his, mouth opening slowly, inviting.

_Before they turn the lights out_

Her fingers dance around the buttons of his shirt.

_Your heart is glowing_

_And I'm crashing into you_

Her palm is warm against his chest, she thinks she can feel his heart beat thundering beneath her fingertips. This feels like a first time, almost. And it is, in a way.

_Baby kiss me_

_before they turn the lights out_

_before they turn the lights out_

_Baby love me lights out_

_In the darkest night hour._

Her dress pools on the floor

_I'll search through the crowd._

And her skin tastes sweeter than any chocolate, any candy or treat.

_Your face is all that I see_

I'll give you everything.

She gets his belt.

_You can turn my light down._

_We don't have forever,_

A tear, unbidden streams down her face. She has known more loss than is fair for any one human to claim---but she knows love too, all the facets of it, every dark hurt and every beautiful healing moment, she has this. She has him. They have a future.

_Baby daylights wasting._

His hands glide over her, kissing her stomach, up to her throat. Fondling, loving, scarcely believing but revelling hands cupping and stroking flesh.

_You better kiss me_

He fidgets kicking his pants off his ankles. She giggles as she pushes him back.

_Before our time is run out_

_Nobody sees what we see_

Her many scars, heart deep. His own matching wounds. But there are her glittering eyes. His warm, burning ones.

_They're just hopelessly gazing._

And there's nothing else in the world at this moment worth seeing but each other.

_Baby take me_

And his name is a mere breath. An exhalation of need.

_Before they turn the lights out_

_Before our time is run out_

_Baby love me lights out._

Such gentle fingers.

_In the darkest night hour._

Such loving lips.

_I search through the crowd._

And low soft moans, a passionate tongue, a language only they understand

_Your face is all that I see_

_I'll give you everything_

_Baby love me lights out_

She sinks down. Up, then down again.

_Baby love me lights out_

_You can turn my lights out._

_I love it like XO_

_You love me like XO_

What a thrill to hear her name said this way, she'd forgotten how much she loved it.

_You kill me boy XO_

_You love me like XO_

_All that I see_

_Give me everything_

_Baby love me lights out._

The world goes black, then white, ecstasy and release and breathless and kisses.

_Baby love me lights out._

"Give me that ring," she demands, her forehead resting against his, still joined, still coming down from a high. His brain is a fog. She kisses him fiercely into wakefulness. "I **_love you_** Daniel Reynolds, give me that ring."

The widest, happiest smile spreads across his face.

_You can turn my lights out._

 


	12. We Can Smile

A sense of belonging that it didn't have before, now accompanies the Reynolds family heirloom, recently restored to her finger.

He'd taunted her at first after her demand. Shrugging and joking that maybe he didn'twant to give it to her. "Reynolds" she'd growled, a low warning, face rosy and primal all at once. For a glimmer he wasn't sure if she was playing with him or actually about to attack him. Pressing against him her voice was low and throaty. "The ring." she pressed, moving to trail her lips along his jaw and then felt him flex and she'd grinned. "You know you want to," she purred.

"Abs, I can't----" a well calculated shift made him groan and she released a small moan herself. "Make--up your---grief, Abbie, I can't---" choked off again as she began to move.

"Where is it," she hissed, lifting herself up slowly and back down. "Tell me Danny,"

"You're savage," he ground out, eyes taking in the whole of her.

"Stop?"

"God no," he begged, grasping her hips. "But I can't, get you the ring, and, make love to you, I'm not an octopus." Without warning she changed rhythm.

A shouted obscenity made her mouth curl into a self satisfied smirk before she slid off completely and Danny gasped, eyes dark nostril flared and for all intents and purposes looking like he'd been slapped. "What---"

She quirked a brow.

He watched her. Flushed and round glowing beauty. Inhaling deeply he extracted himself from the sheets, strolled to his suit jacket and withdrew the box.

Both of her brows raised in surprise. "You kept it in your suit jacket?"

"Close to my heart. Like you," he'd snapped, before ambling over, going to bended knee.

The image of a naked, aroused, Daniel Reynolds on one knee with a ring box is an image she will cherish forever.

"This isn't so different from the last time you asked," she giggled. Eyes glinting he'd breathed a sigh.

"Grace, Abigail, Mills. My storm, my sun, mother, of my child. Indomitable, formidable, beautiful, caring, loving, vulnerable," he said tenderly, in a way that made her blush. "I wish for you, who I love, with all my heart, more than anything, could have room in your heart to love me forever, as my wife, my partner in life. Will, you, marry me."

"A thousand times yes, Daniel. You're my rock, my steady place, where I can be vulnerable and strong at once. I love you. Yes." He'd slid it back on her finger, caressing her hand, before rising to his feet, kissing her softly, and, still armed for a passionate engagement, picked up where she had left off.

* * *

 

Morning breaks upon them naked and coiled so tight together, still half drowsy, so atpeace in the others arms. She smiles as she feels his fingers drifting along her belly, and a small answering kick.

"Oop," he chuckles, chest rumbling against her back.

"I think they're ticklish," she giggles.

"They take after their mother then," he laughs, wriggling his fingers in her sides and she shrieks before he begins to shift out of the bed, stretching and rolling his neck. Abbie turns over on her side to watch him, the muscles moving beneath his dark skin, rippling along his arms, the structure of this man that loved her out of turmoil, through grief, until she was ready to return to him. Would have kept loving her even, she suspects, if she never did. She reaches out, running a finger along his back and he turns to look at her, sunlight dancing in her eyes.

"What's up Abs?" he queries.

"Just making sure you're here." she whispers. "That you're real."

"And yours," he reminds her, pivoting and taking her hand in his. "Always yours."

"So, when are you going to list your place?"

Danny blinks at her, slow to comprehend.

"Move in, full time? Set up the nurs---" he places a finger to her lips and she turns a questioning gaze on him.

"If you don't stop saying all the things I want to hear I'll have no choice butto love you so hard you'll forget your name."

She nips his finger and cocks her head to the side. "I'm sorry, Reynolds. Is that your idea of a threat?"

Well, third times a charm.

* * *

 

To say Deidre was thrilled to hear the engagement was back on would be an understatement. She'd been over the moon.

"I'm so happy for you both," she'd told her son, and then demanded to speak to Abbie.

"Abbie love?"

"Hi Deidre,"

"You happy?"

"Very, Deidre, I'm…I…didn't believe in happy, for a while. I have that with your son. With Danny."

"I''m glad of it," she'd said warmly. "My blessings to you both. Now, how is my grandchild?"

"Gave Danny a solid kick when he was listening earlier."

"They're gonna bespitfire."

"Like their dad," Abbie muses when Mrs Reynolds cuts her off.

"No, Abbie. Like you. Not to be underestimated or their size. Not to be bossed around. A spitfire like you, my daughter-in-law"

"Deidre,"

"I hope you'll find it in you one day to call me mom, or some variation on it,"

The sentiment touches her heart and makes words stick in her throat. "One day." she croaks at last. "One day."

"No hurry love. Congratulations again."

* * *

 

"I'm engaged."

Both sisters blink at one another before bursting into surprised laughter and throwing their arms around one another. "Joe proposed last night," Jenny laughs.

"Danny gave me back my ring. I asked for it, told him I'm ready."

"Are you?"

"I love him Jenny."

Jenny leans back, a small smile across her face but a look that reads like relief all the same. "You know the first time I asked you about that proposal you didn't give me a straight answer----I like the answer you gave just now better, simple. Straight forward. Honest. That's how it should be, I'm happy for you Abbie."

Blinking back tears Abbie stretches out her arms for another hug. "Well where's the rock?" Abbie chuckles when she pulls away. "What did Joe---holy crap!"

Jenny blushes. "I know," she groans but it's so put on Abbie rolls her eyes.

"I'd get a security detail for your left hand. And two more body guards for the ring finger alone."

Jenny scoffs. "Consider yourself hired."

"I'm billing you as we speak."


	13. My Wish For You

Seven months.

Abbie watches Danny paint the room green. Cheerful, neutral, means go, means trees, means life, means growing, green. She turns back to her wall, half done and splotchy, she can't help it, her tenant has been somersaulting and breakdancing in there all day---she's very distracted.

_And you thought **I** was fidgety._

_Quiet Crane._ she muses, rubbing her stomach, even knowing while she does so it's a stupid idea. Every contact she makes to soothe them, the baby mistakes for play and touches and kicks back.

Crane is chuckling as he fades away when Danny finally looks over to check how things are going on her end. "Oh Abs, come on," he groans playfully.

"Your spawn is energetic today, they're going for the olympic gymnastic team in there or something."

"I'd like a gymnast," Danny muses, eyes twinkling. "A little Gabby Douglas, or Simone Biles."

"And if it's a boy?"

"Gabriel or Simon"

"Danny," she swats him chuckling and then fumbles when she hears her cell ringing in the other room. She takes off in a hurried semi waddle but Danny leaps ahead of her grabbing and presenting it to her.

She stopped arguing about him beating her to everything when her pregnancy started feeling like something to wield. She has spooked her selfglimpsing her reflection.

Is that behemoth me?

Danny said recently she looked like a fertile goddess. Crane, silent, invisible , hovering somewhere, he does that, nip over to visit unannounced---are ghosts known for their manners?---had agreed with him.

"Cynthia," Danny declares, pecking her cheek and headed back to the nursery.

"Abbie?"

"Hey Cynthia," she leans on the wall heavily.

"Girl you sound like how I feel."

"Are you sure about this? we're not going to be able to fit in the same room."

Cynthia's laugh trills on the other end, the baby in her womb---is there a trampoline in there, honestly---leaps with excitement.

* * *

Sophie Foster is wearing a dress.

That's the first thing she thinks when she walks into the living room with the Irvings, Jenny, Joe, Deidre and Danny.

Sophie, Foster, is wearing a floral printed dress. And cardigan.

"You're wearing a dress" Abbie says, dumbfounded.

Sophie chuckles. "Good to see you too Mills."

"Her brain," Danny flutters his fingers in the air "Hither and thither"

"I do _not_ have pregnancy brain," she snaps defensively. "Seeing Foster in a dress is unusual, that's all."

"I figured it's a special occasion so I'd dress nice, now I get the third degree." she cajoles.

"You just, look pretty---look stop making fun of me," Abbie grumps, moving towards the table that has been adorned with baby themed snacks. She's trying to make up her mind how she feels about baby shaped cookies when Cynthia sidles up beside her. She sweeps her gaze over Cynthia's high and round belly."Damn," she mutters, glancing at her with a smirk.

"Damn yourself," Cynthia smirks back. "If I tied a basket on you and lit a flame you'd pass for a hot air balloon."

"Ouch, my self esteem Cynthia," she chortles, making up her mind to grab a few cookies.

"You look beautiful." her friend murmurs, filling a napkin for herself. "Really Abbie, you look great."

"You too," she beams.

"Pregnancy suits you," Jenny declares, the rest of the gathering having started drifting toward the table for refreshments.

"It does, doesn't it?" Grinning, Danny wraps an arm around Abbie's shoulder, kissing her temple. Frank raises his brows and nods to Cynthia.

"Perhaps we ought to keep them that way, eh? What say you Reynolds?"

"No objections here,"

Abbie raises a hand. "I mean I might have a few!"

"Nah Mills," Sophie smiles, swirling her punch. "You'll be a natural mother. I'd bet you get another two in before you shut up shop."

"Hah," Abbie laughs, "I wouldn't count on it,"

_Oh,_

Crane's voice ghosts past her ear, wedged in the tiny space between her and Danny, she wonders how he can't hear it.

_I don't know, Leftenant, it would be nice for you tohave a daughter,_

Abbie whirls in her fiancees arms lancing out a retort in her mind

 _Hey---what do you mean---_ but the air has grown still, as if he was never there. Danny frowns at her.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine Danny," she smiles, forcing the strangeness of Crane's spirit words out of her mind. What did he mean it'd be nice if she had a girl? does it mean she's having a boy? her and Danny had made a very deliberate decision to let the gender bea surprise. Can Crane see her future?

Well, he did claim he'd seen it while he was in a coma, didn't he, before he came back and died and oh--her heart constricts unexpectedly, she supposes grief is like that and she'd better get use to being occasionally assaulted by it over the years to come, days in which she'll just miss him and will cry---- _leftenant_ , his voice reprimands, distantly, interrupting her thoughts. ** _Leftenant,_**

He sounds as if he's scolding her.

_Don't you dare turn back now. You deserve to be happy. Let Daniel and your future and your loved ones do that._

"I just need some air," she whispers to Danny who side steps, giving her room as she makes her way toward out front, though his gaze trails after her, ever watchful. 

"You could have made me happy if you didn't run," she says to the apparition floating on the porch swing.

"Never have I known someone so adept at self sabotage," he muses. "Look at you. Glowing, beautiful,"

"A whale."

"A goddess. And on a day like today, your, day, Abbie, you choose to ruminate on things past and gone."

"You're always here, Crane." she replies, a little sadly. "I keep you in my heart, still. It can't be helped."

"You love Daniel, Abbie. I see it. You have things with him I failed to give you, and even if I could return now, I would not disturb it. I did my best, and my worst, by you, in the end."

Leaning heavily on the fence she turns to face him, pushing gently on the swing.

Inside, the house crackles occasionally with laughter and chatter. And that warms her heart, people she loves and cares about, all gathered together. Her hand goes to her stomach and she looks down at it, always astonished at how someone like her made room for a human being to grow. A life. Something made of love. Her and Danny. That makes her cry too. In all her tumult with Crane living and then gone, Danny found her and kept her. The wind begins to change, leaves scattering down from the trees, Abbie feels like she is on the threshold of something.

A crossroads.

"What're you trying to tell me, Crane."

"Let me go, Abbie." he says warmly, rising to his feet.

She nods, biting her lips together, squeezing her eyes shut. She knew. She'd known the minute she'd come outside, it would be this.

"Look at me." he implores as he draws near, she suddenly finds him frighteningly close in his transparent form. She shakes her head no, before taking a deep breath. Then she does.

His eyes are still blue. She claps a hand over her mouth with the shock of it. How after all this time can his eyes still be so blue? He presses his fingers against her belly, smiling softly. "Ask me anything, and I will answer."

"What did you see,"

She doesn't need to clarify what she means.

"I saw myself neglect you. Over and over again, chasing after someone….who even she had known, was no match for me. I watched you sacrifice, to save your sister. Toil, in a timeless place. I watched you struggle to cope upon your return, and saw myself trying and failing to reach you, to tell you the depth of my heart. I watched the box reach for you, and how you staggered, and I'd had to carry you, to bring you back." his eyes brim with tears and he begins to solidify. "I watched the box claim you for its own. I saw you die. And for all of that, I had still been too weak, even in dream, to tell you I love you, when you came to tell me goodbye. I saw that you, Grace Abigail Mills, deserved,infinitely, so much better." he bends and presses his ear to her stomach and she watches, coming apart and mending at the seams at once.

"Spirited little one aren't they." he gives her a teary smile. "I won't be far," he assures "You're in good hands, Daniel is a worthy man."

"He is" she concedes.

"Good. enjoy this, Abbie. You're going to have so much to enjoy so make the most of it, I beg of you."

"I will." She laughs weakly as he stands again and starts for the steps. "Crane," she calls.

He turns.

"I can't remember if I've ever said it." she hesitates, oh, this fragile truth, this great and terrible thing that she'd carried in a double locked corner of her heart. It chooses now, to break through. "Ichabod... I'll always love you."

The softest smile grows across his face, and he strides back towards her with such speed she stumbles back a step but he catches her---her breath escapes in a shocked rush that he can---and he mutters, "I hope you and Master Reynolds will forgive me,"

" for what---"

He tilts her chin. "This, Abbie. _This_."

One last kiss makes the wind around them sing. One last time that lips touch and her spirit lifts, releases him, and all of a sudden there is light, pouring and pooling around him and he withdraws and takes her hand, caressing it, holding it lovingly to his face. "Take care of them, Abbie. Daniel and the little one. I would be honoured if you'd name them after me,"

"Ichabod!" she laughs incredulously. "I could never be so cruel to my own!"

His eyes glitter and shimmer, his warm laughter filling the air around them as he releases her hand, and takes a final, grand, sweeping, trademark bow.

And then he is gone.


	14. A Part of Us

"I feel like I'm always just missing him,"

"Danny!" Abbie whirls. "Danny that----"

"Sssh, Mills." he wraps an arm around her, hugging her close, kissing her temple.

"How much of that did you see?"

"I think I heard him muttering that he hopes I'll forgive him, I back tracked a bit after that, figured I probably didn't wanna be there for whatever came next," he smiles, eyes glinting. He shrugs. "He loved you. You loved him. No matter what happens Abs, he's a part of our lives, a part of our story. Can't change that. In fact, I wanna show you something."

* * *

 

She screws up her mouth, fighting mightily before she gives in to the tears. Crying disbelief as she walks around the room, that, she's sure, just two, three days ago, didn't look like this. But now there are books crammed in shelves along the walls. A doll, that, "My God Danny you're insane," There's a doll, a pudgy stuffed thing wearing an all too familiar coat sitting in a chair next to the crib. "How---where."

"I told him I'd help you keep his memory alive. I'm a man of my word."

A miniature archives, in her house. In fact she thinks some of these books are in fact from the archives. But others are from an extensive reading list, titles she'd told Danny about. Her faves, Crane's, but there's Jennys, and Joe's, Danny's too. The little doll that is squishy and soft and she can't shake the silly image now that it's taken form, of her child squeezing thisdoll and carrying it around wherever they go. And then he gives her a box.

"This might have been overkill," he says now, a little bashfully.

"You put in a mini library ladder in your nursery, and now, you consider it might be overkill?" Frank drawls. Cynthia smacks his arm playfully as Abbie removes the lid.

"Danny,"

"I know, I'm sorry,"

"No, Danny," Abbie turns her teary eyed gaze on him, reaches up to touch his face, "I hope you had a suit jacket made too, so they can dress up like their father" she kisses him. "You're crazy but I love you. I _love you so much, Danny_. **_Thank you."_**

Jenny mutters to Joe. "Who did he find to make that?" she wonders.

Because on top of all of the other ridiculous things Danny has done, he'd had a coat made, in the style of Ichabod Crane, long tails, high collar and all---size of 6-12 months. For their baby to grow into.

"I've been thinking about it, too," Danny murmurs in her ear. "Maybe Alex, if a boy, Alexandra, if a girl? That was his middle name, right?"

"Shut up, shut up I can't even deal with you right now," she laughs, wrapping her arms around him.

* * *

Later, with onesies and stuffed animals and swaddling cloths exchanged and both Cynthia and Abbie have  been properly fawned over, and had pictures taken with their two warring bumps trying to fit into the frame, Abbie eases her self down in the sitting chair in the redecorated nursery, setting down the frame Jenny and Joe had given her, a three piece setting that read: Mommy + Daddy= Me with space for each of their photos.  As she casts her gaze around the room Abbie cannot wait to welcome this life into their lives, to show them how creative and wonderful and understanding their father is, how odd and quirky, and smart, Crane, their spiritual godfather, had been. To trip over toy blocks and rewashing day clothes and the room smelling of baby powder and perhaps a vague stink of a freshly discarded diaper before the trash goes out.

All of these mundane things are going to be hers. And she's so happy for it.

And she considers that, yes, she might want more than one, after all.


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE END 
> 
> HUGE THANKS to ALL OF YOU being on this journey. All my love!

Alex Mills-Reynolds, named after the man that gave himself so his mother could live, and marry the man who had earned, cherished and kept her heart, was born on Christmas Eve.

Seven pounds of dark chocolate with slick curls and eyes like dark pools of night sky.

"Welcome little guy," Danny coos, arm wrapped around the bedraggled mother.

"Well it's good to finally meet the little imp who's been auditioning for cirque du soleil in there." she teases.

Alex's face is small and blissful, slumbering on her chest. Oblivious and wearied from his journey into the world.

"He's perfect Abs." he kisses her temple and then Abbie turns so he can kiss her on the mouth. "Beautiful just like you."

"Like his father," she corrects. "He looks like you, Danny."

"You two gonna coo over who he looks like all night?" Jenny drawls, as she saunters in, Joe trailing behind with Deidre, blue and green balloons of congratulations bobbing over their heads.

"You're just jealous," Danny taunts. "Of our gorgeous child." In the bed Abbie is enthralled with little Alex's face, and smirks atDanny's words.

"Hardly," Jenny scoffs, thoughher face flushes red.

"Oh ho, don't tell me."

Joe studiously gazes out the window.

"Well," Abbie murmurs to the sleeping bundle. Her bundle. Her baby. Theirs. "Sounds like you might have a cousin soon."

"You stop putting ideas in that innocent babies head!" Jenny snaps.

* * *

They see him on New Years. Playing with Alex in the crib. "Hello young Master Reynolds," he calls, extending a pale finger toward the gurgling happy child.

"Happy new year, Crane" Danny greets.

"Daniel, I---"

Danny cuts him off saying warmly,"It's good to see you."

Beside him, Abbie nods. "Happy New Year,"

He nods, smiling at them both before turning back to the child. "Happy New Year, Alexander,"

* * *

 

They married in the spring. Took the enchanted, beautiful walk down the aisle, in April. A year to the day. An anniversary that would now bare the burden of remembering the love she lost but the one she found, renewed and solidified in its place. They share the softest, sweetest kiss, with baby Alex held in her arms, gurgling happily at his mother and fathers union. Danny's face is wreathed with smiles as he whispers, "I've got you Abbie. My beautiful wife."

"My husband." she whispers back. "My man."

A gentle wind sighs, smugly, one would think. _Indeed._

Abbie has a daughter whom she names Elizabeth, and sometimes calls her Betsy, and later another son, whom they call Daniel junior.

And they all know the name of Ichabod Crane. Together, the Mills-Reynolds grow, love, thrive, and keep his memory, alive.

 


End file.
